When my heart skips beats again
Solely shifting in my shaky chest
I can feel the urge to live regain
As if putting my mind to the test

The misformed mind has struggled lately
To focus on images not so obsessive
An army of voices so collective
Screaming nonsense, not protective

He seemed to want to be held

so I hold him

but then he won’t

 

He seemed to want to eat

so I feed him

but then he won’t

 

He seemed to want to go outside

so I freed him

but then he won’t

 

I seemed to want to be love

and then I found it

but now I won’t

Nothing left to feel or wonder about
alone in the cavity where the heart once beat
once surrounded by the rippling river of life
the water slowed down

days tick by like seconds used to

now I found you
a tree against which my weight is leaned
not knowing how strong roots are underground

but only under his wood am I not burned by the sun

Is it imperative to appreciate?
or do I justify my disappointment
with ghosts that I create …

This on-way traffic, getting on my nerve
eating them up and with them I swallow
the antidote

A big HAHA in my flustered face
can’t teach an old rat new tricks
but I’m maddening now
should rest this case

end of summer

the daytime shrinks
my eyes perceive only grey
I know you don’t know
that I know you don’t feel this

there are so many times
wanting to pull apart your eyelids
raise your beats per minute

hoped you could feel yourself falling
while sitting still
hoped you would light your match
on my burning flame

but did it dissolve?
is it even glowing anymore

what are you talking about
why are you so negative
why are you so ..
are you so

In the shadow of my sorrow
pop up shoots still small
understand, I’m not asking to burrow
but to melt as clay even during the day
underground small shoots have thick roots
and this wind won’t blow them away
though damaged leaves shrivel, new ones
are fuelled by a stream beneath the surface

Paper Winged Jesus

How often did you say
you thought you were dying
never caused thought to delay
but this time you weren’t lying

At least I can tell
I’ve seen Jesus
sometimes he went through hell
though mostly he’s just an angel in disguise

Zack, the rough guy
with the molten iron heart
the wine made him fly
his paper wings hit by an accidental dart
I never told you not to fly so high

I never told you

 

Nothing matters

It is not because you see an angelic soul
when you dare to peek
that I, obligated, live up to toll

your eyes are those of a blinded man
vividly believing his dreams
cause they’re all they see
but I have those same holes in the seams
of the clothes on my body

and I too    am made of flesh and bone
DON’T want to be perfect picture
don’t hold me for the unknown

cause nothing matters
but the importance of nothing
will always illude and tears shatter

 

 

The Dreadful Derailing of our Dream

I try to eat candy and drink coke
to get high on glucose
so you can make some more jokes
and I won’t even care if it blows

there is just one train on the tracks
and I’m scared that even this one lacks
but we can’t get off
so we hold on tight
both striped of sight

can you carry another beer
or do you have to piss
cause I need to whisper in your ear
“Dino, I can’t go on like this”
and then you’ll turn your neck and frown
I’ll read it in the wrinkles on your forehead
you’re as scared of it as I am

there is just one train on the tracks
and I’m scared that even this one lacks
but we can’t get off
so we hold on tight
both striped of sight

and unsure if it’s day or night

Don’t come in when I’m not there

My bedroom tells a story
it’s quite exploratory
there’s pants and a toothbrush,
headphones and cigarettes
if I hung everything on a laundry line
it would fall like the Soviets
fall like I’m plastered at a party
too drunk to fight when he forgets

there’s a sign on my door
that they always ignore
but it hangs there anyway
I’m not taking it away
you can’t come in when I’m not there
don’t come in when I’m not there

The smell of beer on my bed
the taste of mint in my mouth
the warm blanket cuddles spread
and my brothers bass
beats my heart
beats my heart

there’s a sign on my door
that they always ignore
but it hangs there anyway
I’m not taking it away
you can’t come in when I’m not there
don’t come in when I’m not there

and I don’t mind that the lamp is crooked
it reflects my emotions
like a neon light in a shady night shop in Spain
I went there on vacation
they have neon lights in Spain
that flash on, off and then on again
like my mind when I’m plastered at a party
too drunk to fight when he forgets

there’s a sign on my door
that they always ignore
but it hangs there anyway
I’m not taking it away
you can’t come in when I’m not there
don’t come in when I’m not there